That failed spectacularly and it turned into a big argument. It's hard to have your gentle intentions erased or twisted. The black and white is so hard. Its important to keep in mind that this is the disorder saying or doing hurtful things and not the person who has bipolar. What things should you stop saying to the chronically ill? I'm curious about how common this is, the mishearing, the fabricating of negative statements. about something inconsequential, and she heard me scold her and say "No no NO! If you feel manic or you feel depressed on a particular day, it’s 8. but that part of my mind just isnt there at that time. I generally feel grace toward her misremembering my tone, or thinking I said always when I said 'often', and this happens in all relationships, as you said. Remember that someone who has bipolar disorder is still entitled to a personality. Have a conversation and let your boyfriend know which comments or topics are off-limits. Negative thoughts can be a normal part of bipolar disorder depression. Nothing was ever good enough. (We humans don’t store memories like files in a file cabinet, we rewrite them with each recall so a tendency to read into or distort can compound over time.) Press J to jump to the feed. 5. Being in a relationship where one or both partners have bipolar disorder is not easy. For example, I can be sleeping, wake up at 10 o’clock at night, and clean the entire house, top to bottom. Something strikes a nerve and opens the floodgates for all types of pain. I wrote down all of my behaviors and eventually determined what was the real me and what was the bipolar disorder. It’s a struggle,  but I don’t do it! I liked all of your metaphors! My opinion of why we “attack” the ones so close to us is because they are all we have. Do you know the things you should do or the things you should say to someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD)?If not, join the millions of … And though I am medicated and I do make as much effort as possible, there are still times that I can be hurtful towards my loved ones. That i don't know. I can listen, but I don’t have to act on the thoughts. Spending hours on a video game. Kanye West, bipolar disorder and me: When I hear Kanye's rants, I remember my own delusions Afraid of being laughed at, called crazy or attention-seeking, I kept my diagnosis a … Managing bipolar on a daily basis can be daunting. He would say hurtful things and not remember it, then things I said would get twisted to be cruel when they weren’t. I’ve had it happen to me too many times to count but also seen it happen with others (“I never said that!?!”). Once I said something and he snapped "i hate when you're snarky, it always pisses me off" when I am NEVER snarky, and I wasn't in that moment either! When I was finally diagnosed at age 31, I still didn’t understand how the illness affected my behavior. I am bipolar and when I am in a bad mood, I tend to say things I don't mean a lot; I guess I could even say I'm verbally abusive to my parents, mainly my mother. People with Bipolar Disorder engage in what I consider “serial lying.” However, Bipolar Disorder and lying is a complex and nuanced issue and I hope you will keep reading to discover some of the factors that drive this apparent lack of honesty. Religiously checking Facebook. Stigma stings, but when it happens in your own backyard—our own families and friends not accepting us—it is especially hard to take. I proceeded to tell … Learn the best and worst things a caregiver can say to someone living with bipolar disorder. Maybe this is why I've made a habit of writing things down shortly after they're said, some protection against my own rumination rewrite or my SO's. Although we deal with anxiety and depression and it leads to many of us isolating ourselves , we are still responsible for the way our behavior negatively affects friends, family, and romantic partners. As other commenters said, it was often a difference in perception in my case. "One of the things so bad about depression and bipolar disorder is that if you don't have prior awareness, you don't have any idea what hit you." I know it’s hard to understand when someone with bipolar is screaming obscenities and saying hurtful things to you, but it’s really not aimed at you in particular. I had to write my own treatment plan in order to get better. Take it from someone who struggles with bipolar disorder themselves and has had these statements said to them before, saying the following 5 things could cause more damage than you realize! I was prepared for misinterpreting and forgetting parts of things. Often well-meaning people say hurtful things because they’re at a loss for words. Sometimes, people say things when they’re angry. And although a lot of things began to make sense, it killed a part of my self-esteem. You can help during a manic episode by doing the following: You can help during a manic episode by doing the following: Spend time with the person, depending on his or her level of energy and how well you can keep up. They weren't hurtful things at all but he brought it up and used it against me. Also, I would like to sign up for bphope's FREE e-Newsletters. I mean, that's what - that whole oversharing thing is really a very clear symptom of bipolar disorder. If you know someone who has this illness, you may be guilty of saying one or more of them. Was it the bp or his abuse of alcohol and weed? Depressive episodes alternate with hypomania, a milder version of mania. She was diagnosed late fall shes 25 but acts like a 13 year old. My irritation and nasty meanness is attached to a mood swing. Both family members have remembered entirely fabricated sentences. 100% with my SO, it’s most typically a mix of reading (lots of) things into words of others and adding/translating in the moment. They’re just saying what they think they’re supposed to say. “But the thing about bipolar disorder is that it's all dependent on patterns. Here are some things to consider before making the decision and how to move forward. I am bipolar, and am going through constant therapy to help me cope with my condition. Some people with bipolar disorder end up in jail because of this symptom. If you know someone who has this illness, you may be guilty of saying one or more of them. Subscribe 25 Things Only Someone with Bipolar Disorder … 8. Then that distortion increases over time with rumination/recall. 9. No matter what mean, cruel or hurtful things he says, does or accuses me of, I will not engage." I know better today. Facebook Twitter Reddit LinkedIn Tumblr Pinterest Vk. It started in high school, so my parents saw this behavior as me being a “typical teenager.” He cancelled our plans due to his mood, said some pretty hurtful things to me, and about five hours later, texted me saying, “I’m sorry, I think I may be bipolar”. People with hypomania are … I can’t believe that people put up with me. Thanks for sharing. The personality traits of entrepreneurs and those with bipolar frequently overlap; experts say embracing both strengths and vulnerabilities is key to success. Bipolar disorder is not an excuse for hurting another person. Hoping you guys have a good week. I let things go until a few days ago when he said such mean things that I walked out and told him he will never do this again and I never want to see him Mental Health - Bipolar Disorder: Bf's Hurtful Words - Please Help Me Stigma, no matter where it comes from, is insensitive and dehumanizing. People with Bipolar often do hurtful things in mania or depression. Imagine all of the psychical pain you have ever felt was hidden in you minding its own business. The mean and nasty Julie was ALWAYS the illness. Why Can Bipolar Disorder Make Me Mean and Nasty? I never thought that was weird until another gentleman mentioned it to me. Logically I know it doesn't make sense, but saying 'you shouldn't feel that way' doesn't work on anyone ever." What you say to a loved one with bipolar disorder can help or hurt. 10. Most of the stuff he does remember but it is super frustrating. Turns out, I have bipolar II disorder. For example, the other day we were in the car and she was annoying me. Here are some warning signs to look out for. Just an example. Copyright© 2020 bpHope. Here are some things to consider before making the decision and how to … In the heat of the moment, a mentally ill mind can quickly come up with the worst buttons to push and the most painful things to say, but often those things are a gross exaggeration and … Some times she twists things around in her head and puts meaning behind things that have no meaning. It’s important to understand the difference between borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, in order to help yourself or someone you love get the right treatment. for example I am very in love with my exboyfriend, but im also enraged at the bad things hes done to me and sacrafices ive made for him. During episodes, you may say or do hurtful things to the people you care about. #10 You seem a little overly enthusiastic. This causes a lot of stress in my brain and I react with negative thoughts. This saves relationships and saves me a lot of stress. Bipolar disorder symptoms can make you seem mean and nasty; determining what actions stem from bipolar disorder mood swings can help. Hi my name is Russ I’m from the uk.I believe my my wife has severe bipolar.Over my 17 year relationship her behaviour became more erratic. i have bipolar disorder. With everyone else in my life (but my SO), imagined tone, or taking something harshly and carrying the narrative as a memory, has definitely happened as you've stated. I still want to kick things and yell at people,  but I can’t give in to it now. It was hard for me to admit when I was wrong and wound up have several people upset with me. I can stay up for days in a cleaning frenzy. A lot of times, that can be due to a struggle with a mental illness. There are some dangers inherent in bipolar disorder that make it more likely you'll do harmful things to yourself or be intimidated into letting medical personnel give you inadequate or even improper treatment. Your email address will not be published. Anyone who has bipolar disorder would agree that there are many bad things that the disorder causes for them; such as: having to take medication every day for the rest of their lives, having to change their whole lifestyle to accommodate the disorder, having to go see doctors and therapists and psychiatrists, etc. Does your SO quote you saying things you haven't said, or mishear what you've said significantly? I try to keep them inside and when they do come out during a down swing, I apologize. Hello @supportivegf sorry to hear your partner as developed bipolar and it can send we aggressive, mood swings kick in and we can be verbal to those we love but it's how the minds reacting at the time, any hurtful comments let them fly over your head as that's what my hubby does with me as he knows deep down i him and he as a load to put up with concerning mental health issues besides … For 15 years I was a #@$%*! I acted on these thoughts for years before I was diagnosed. Eli Lilly Reintegration Achievement Award. Since leaving over a year ago I have lost 5 stone in weight and have regained my confidence again. Sorry for any formatting or whatever with this long post but im on mobile. If he thought my tone of voice was off, he would get offended and it would be a big deal. Related Posts 10 things TO SAY to someone with BIPOLAR DISORDER! (FMF). You may have good intentions but not realize how these words can be received. Since then, the project has grown into a large International Community of people who want to learn more about Bipolar Disorder. I left and stayed at my parents after about a month came back home after a long talk about her behaviour Things were okay for about two months then the nastiest in her would come out calling me fat and ugly.She put me in a very bad place and I was piling wait on.I left again and stayed with a friend.The following day my eldest son told me his mum had been on dating sites for years and met up with a man at Eastbourne railway station as he had seen emails.This really hurt as I loved her so much.Again I came home after a long discussion about her behaviour.I also loved my 5 children very much.She was nice to me for wile then the nasty behaviour started again.I sat in the car with her and she looked at me and said I’m glad I met another man and he f—-d me.I felt sick as she was a virgin when I met her and I adored her I hope this is something you guys can get to a better place with over time. Looking back, I wonder whether the depression and anger outbursts were actually the early stages of my bipolar disorder. Like your SO, this is typically when angry/upset and she 100% remembers it that way. And I'm not saying that every, you know, I'm not accusing every memoirist of being bipolar. Thank you for sharing. They’re just saying what they think they’re supposed to say. I don’t know about Bp but my daughter act strange, she leave with his husband to my surprise she went to other man’s house for two days. People with bipolar disorder and their loved ones sometimes report a tendency to say things that others may consider lies. Very black and white thinking at times, which has definitely caused issues. People with hypomania are … I have since learned that I am the only one responsible for my actions no matter what the case. Abuse is never neat, but in a relationship in which one person is bipolar, it can be even messier and hard to recognize. “I Yes, thank you for sharing. Its important to keep in mind that this is the disorder saying or doing hurtful things and not the person who has bipolar. I'm sorry you had to deal with substance use at the same time, that would be totally impossible to detangle. Understand why they happen and what you need to do, with insights from others to help you. Besides living with bipolar disorder, I have a rare genetic disease called Familial Mediterranean Fever (FMF). It is the signature line of Dr. House on TV, and you can even buy a t-shirt with the saying, “Everybody lies”. At least that one was funny and not sad. There are some dangers inherent in bipolar disorder that make it more likely you'll do harmful things to yourself or be intimidated into letting medical personnel give you inadequate or even improper treatment. But I think in a way it's kind of a gift." I know he claimed not to remember things he said/did, and for sure he didn't remember things i said multiple times. Those... After my diagnosis, I was excited to have an answer for some of my past behaviors and mistakes. I know it’s hard to understand when someone with bipolar is screaming obscenities and saying hurtful things to you, but it’s really not aimed at you in particular. We were arguing once and he told me I’d said an extremely mean thing earlier without any gentle and kind padding. Again we sorted things out after about 3 months.Things were okay for about a year but she used to go in her room on her phone every chance she had.The nasty behaviour stated again saying I was bad with money,when she was spending £1000s on her self ie sleeve of tattoos tattooed eyebrows and eye lashes also wanted boob job and bought a sports car. Don't let the disorder rob you of your closest relationships. I have bipolar disorder and I get sick regularly. He is always looking for something to complain and argue about, sleeps little bit, on and off happy acting then acting mean towards me! But for some reason if someone pinches your nose that entire Bipolar II is the less extreme, more common version of the disorder. Kanye West, bipolar disorder and me: When I hear Kanye's rants, I remember my own delusions Afraid of being laughed at, called crazy or attention-seeking, I kept my diagnosis a … If you want to, give him a chance to work on how he talks to you. by Julie A. Considering ending a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder can have some added challenges. I was talking to my mom on the phone about wedding plans. So I don't know about hearing things i didn't say but he was certainly twisting things i said into something they weren't. Depressive episodes alternate with hypomania, a milder version of mania. Does your SO quote you saying things you haven't said, or mishear what you've said significantly? Any suggestions on where I can find out information. Now even though I have this illness, those same personality traits still exist. Esp after he takes his meds at night. Thank you for replying. They happen to just be there when we let loose and lash out. My daughter only takes one type of medication for her bi-polar. What happens here sometimes is an entire phrase being heard that didn't happen. Fast Negative thoughts can be a normal part of bipolar disorder depression.. It was awful, and now I feel I wasted so much time in that interesting country due to my anger and irritation. Even when I tried to be as gentle as possible, he’d only remember the one negative thing I said. What can you do instead? Bipolar II is the less extreme, more common version of the disorder. If I said something remotely critical, such as holding him to doing chores he said he would do, he would get mad. We know that they probably won't take it … This isn't something I've experienced in other relationships, except with a family member with BP and a family member with BPD. Thank you for sharing. Omg yes my ex had entirely different perception of conversations we had. When you become depressed, you may feel sad or hopeless and lose interest or pleasure in most activities. If you don't apologize after an episode, you may lose that person from your life forever. Great article I really now know now my roomate/friend is bipolor mania! The truth is true whether people like it or not. So off-putting for both partners. During anger outbursts the person may say and do things that ordinarily they wouldn't say or do (for example, saying I think it’s possible you said one thing that she perceived a certain way and now remembers you saying it the way she took it. I've been a follower here for a long time, but i never thought I would have to make a post, but here it goes. About a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed. My husband embarrassed my by saying some really hurtful things, and its ruined years of hardwork on our relationship. Considering ending a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder can have some added challenges. ", specifically three times and became very reactive. To be honest, we really don’t have a lot of control over ourselves at these times, and while that’s not an excuse for bad behavior, it is a reason. While over-sensitive tone interpretation is a human occurence, it seems to be more precarious with BP and other disorders. Bipolar disorder, formerly called manic depression, is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). #10 You seem a little overly enthusiastic. He started a fight with me and he brought up things that I had said in past conversations. My wife talked to be about pumpkin pie the other night when I came to bed and had no idea the next day. Last night I said "it would be three, no?" When your boyfriend continues to say hurtful things, you'll have to decide when you've had enough. It can cause unusual, often extreme and fluctuating changes in mood, energy, activity, and concentration or focus. If you have bipolar disorder, someone has likely said at least one of these things to you. I keep thinking that a combo of open communication and DBT could go a long way with this, but it's hard to know without the second one. Please do not use your full name, as it will be displayed. Laughing along with our list of the condition's lighter side is easier. No one should sit and listen to a partner belittle and berate them. Likewise, saying things that ignore or make light of someone’s sense of self-esteem should be avoided. Four years' worth now. This sub is a place that people can come for advice or just to vent so that we do not affect our significant others with our emotions. If a person can’t formulate consent and they can’t formulate intentionality they are not culpable. I currently live in a city that has out of control growth. It’s a real, diagnosable mental health disorder, and those who live with it aren’t just bipolar on certain days. Usually it isn't so much hearing things I didn't say, though that occasionally happens. When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder the year I turned 50, it was certainly a shock. She looks scared sometimes, sad sometimes, and just annoyed other times. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. But as a journalist, knowing a little bit about a lot of things, I didn't suffer the misconception that depression was all in my head or a mark of Reply. I hope that makes sense. I can relate to much of what you're saying. Bipolar disorder is a chronic or episodic (which means occurring occasionally and at irregular intervals) mental disorder. Often she would Lash out on me.Once on my sons 5th birthday I fell asleep on the sofa ,and she woke me up screaming at me saying I was lazy in front of my 5 children.I decided to go so went to the bedroom to collect some cloths.My wife then started to punch me in the head and kick me.Then she rang the police.I left to let things cool down,,and came back home 40 minutes later.Two police officers were at the house .One of the officers said your wife has made a complaint saying you were aggressive and been drinking.And then gave me a breath test I blew 0, I then showed the officer the massive lump on the right side of my head and bruises all down right leg.The officer then said I could press charges against my wife.I told the officer I did not want my children seeing their mother being taken away in the police car. Like, I'll make a comment about something, or maybe not word things as well as I could have, and some times she will automatically take and twist it into the worst thing possible. If no one asks you to work backwards in your own timeline, you can't figure out those patterns.” 4. I never realized that I caused some of the problems. ~ Kay Redfield Jamison "When I taught writing classes to psychiatric patients, I met people whose stories of manic highs and immobilizing lows appeared to be textbook descriptions of classic bipolar disorder. This happens in a lot of relationships bp or not. Often well-meaning people say hurtful things because they’re at a loss for words. Thank you for your reply. It's up to you to take action about these issues. I finally left after many years mental and physical abuse.I met up with her and served divorce papers on her.My wife grabbed me and started crying saying she didn’t want a divorce.I felt bad so never followed it though as deep down I still loved her.Then I went round the house and she started crying saying have you got the divorce paper though I’ve served on you.I replied no and then she said she had slept with a man with a six pack and you never had a six pack and i haven’t had sex for ages and was not lesbian.